this is border line annoying now. im just about to say im done. but i wont because unlike some people i know, i have faith in others and i believe in people.

 im just really sick of people saying they will do things and then they dont. im actually more mad at myself than anyone to be honest. i keep letting this happen to me. i keep putting trust into people so they can take off with it and then tell me some sad story. well look, im not gonna do this. i dont know what you all were expecting me to do, just wait all the fucking time? grow up. not everyone is going to do that for you. do something. make a choice. but dont treat me like some fucking dog and tell me to stay and not give me anything to work with  to make the time a bit easier. its not my fault anymore. i did my part, and continue to do it. you dont seem to be all that into my life so fuck it. i will be damned before i get treated like some charity case. thats what i feel like. nothing seems sincere anymore. if this shocks you or you disagree then why havent you done something yet? the only logical thing i can think of is that you just dont care enough. so fine, thats ok, cant force people to care so ill go and find people who do. not that i give a flying fuck about whether or not people care, cause i dont, its just the way its being delt with is what pisses me off. i dont know anything, im just on the bench watching the game be played out.

I have been patient, considerate, and very fucking polite lately. I have held back a lot of things I would like to say out of courtesy. I know what I want, and if your not going to take the time to figure out what you all want, then thats your problem not mine. I cant be held accountable for the fact that you dont think about the people who you claimed to be concerned about and enjoyed spending time with. you can bitch, and complain all you want, but ive made my mark and stated what i want and need. no one else has. and if you dont talk then can you really feel resentful to anyone but yourself? no you cant. sorry im not afraid to speak my mind. sorry that im not sorry.

just wait. one day, im going to be exactly where i need to be. and its going to shock you. and youll probably wish you all were here, and might even ask to be there. and i might consider it. i might not. it really depends on how i feel at the moment. sounds kinda rude right? well its only fair cause thats how everyone goes about me, its what they feel at the moment instead of what they feel inside. 

this your last chance. im busting my ass day in and day out to make something out of my life and to show you that i got myself and my life undercontrol. i have done everything everyone has asked me and more, and this time im telling the truth and am actually doing it for real. if you all are going to be butt hurt and forget about the past we cant change, then fine lol live in the past and feel like shit forever. or you can get the fuck over it and see the awsome person ive made myself become.

and the only reason you would ever say “well i dont know if he changed for sure” is because you dont try to spend time with me or answer the damn phone or texts! fuck, this is pathetic. 

get your shit together guys, i got mine together in a week or two.

Im staying away from the internet today because its extremely frustrating to have to go on to three different pages just to figure out who is online to talk or whatever makes me do things like that. 

For over a week now I have done this. And now I think Im just going to stop caring about the severity of this. 

I do a lot to try and make even the slightest difference, and yes, sometimes it actually wears me out and gets me bummed.

I just really cant stand waiting around for the simplest of things. Not that I am a quiter, but holy fuck give me a break here. 

But on the bright side, I am getting what I wanted with music which takes the sting off a little. Its just nice to share it all with someone. I guess I was wrong.

Feels like I am not making any progress with certain things and people. Kinda sucks.

I get sick of waiting around all night for shit sometimes. Goodnight.

Things have been going really well with the whole music thing. I guess I make half way decent music. And Im finally getting offers with other musicians to collaberate with them which is always nice :)

I deffinetely need to keep pushing myself though, I can always see improvements on my work. I dont know if thats the curse of being a perfectionist or not, but I mean why stop?